How to Write an Obituary —
A Step-by-Step Guide
Writing an obituary for someone you love is one of the hardest things you'll be asked to do. This guide makes it easier.
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What is an obituary?
An obituary is a written notice of a death, traditionally published in a newspaper or on a funeral home website, that honours the life of the deceased and informs the community of service details. At its best, it is both a practical announcement and a lasting tribute — something the family can read in twenty years and still feel the person come alive on the page.
Modern obituaries are no longer limited to the newspaper. Families publish them on memorial websites, share them on social media, and include them in funeral programs. The format has evolved, but the purpose hasn't: to capture who this person was and invite the community to grieve and celebrate together.
What to include
A complete obituary covers the facts of a life and the spirit of the person. Here's what to gather before you start writing:
- ☐ Full name, including maiden name, nicknames, or the name they were known by
- ☐ Date of birth and date of passing
- ☐ Place of birth and where they lived
- ☐ Career and occupation
- ☐ Education and military service (if applicable)
- ☐ Faith and community involvement
- ☐ Personality traits and hobbies
- ☐ A favourite memory or meaningful quote
- ☐ Surviving family members (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings)
- ☐ Those who preceded them in death
- ☐ Service and visitation details
- ☐ Donation information (if preferred in lieu of flowers)
Obituary structure and format
Most obituaries follow a three-act structure. Deviating from it is fine — but understanding it first gives you a framework to work from.
1. Opening
Name, dates, and a dignified opening sentence that sets the tone immediately. The best opening sentences tell us something about who the person was — not just when they were born and when they died.
2. Life narrative
Career, family, personality, faith, community involvement. This is where the person comes alive. One specific memory is worth more than three vague adjectives.
3. Closing
Survivors, preceded-in-death, service details, and donation information. Readers scan for this. Keep it clear and structured.
Choosing a tone
Tone depends on the person and their family. A formal obituary for a warm, funny person can feel like a disservice. Match the writing to how they moved through the world.
🕊️ Traditional
Newspaper-style. Dignified and restrained. Suitable for all publications.
🌻 Warm & Celebratory
Personal and joyful. Feels like it came from someone who really knew them.
✚ Simple & Brief
One tight paragraph. Works well for private people or newspaper word limits.
✝️ Faith-Based
Reverent and hopeful. Acknowledges spiritual beliefs naturally and without cliché.
Common mistakes to avoid
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Using hollow filler phrases
"Touched many lives" or "heart of gold" — every person could be described this way. They say nothing specific. Replace them with a real memory.
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Starting consecutive sentences the same way
"He loved golf. He loved his grandchildren. He loved Sunday dinners." Vary the rhythm.
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Including unverified facts or dates
Double-check dates with family before publishing. Errors in an obituary are painful and hard to undo.
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Making it too long for the newspaper
Print publications have strict word counts. If you need two versions — one full, one brief — plan for that from the start.
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Forgetting service details
Readers scan for the date, time, and location. Don't bury it in the middle of a paragraph.
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Not getting family approval
The person writing is often doing it alone, under pressure. Have at least one other family member read it before it goes out.
A short example
Here's what a well-structured obituary looks like in practice. Every detail came from a specific input — nothing invented.
Sample obituary — fictional character
Margaret Elaine Hartfield, 84, of Millbrook, passed away peacefully on the morning of November 4th, 2024, surrounded by the family she spent a lifetime gathering close. Born in rural Kentucky, Margaret moved north as a young woman and spent the next six decades building a home defined by open doors and fresh-baked biscuits. She was a devoted member of Millbrook Presbyterian Church for over fifty years, sang in the choir until her early seventies, and never missed a grandchild's birthday. She is survived by her three children, seven grandchildren, and one great-grandchild who arrived just in time to know her.
Let us write it for you
If this feels like a lot to hold while you're grieving — we understand. Answer a few guided questions and we'll write the obituary for you.
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