Obituary Writing Tips —
What to Say and What to Avoid

1. Lead with the person, not the dates

The opening sentence should tell us something about who they were, not just when they were born and when they died. "Margaret Hartfield baked biscuits from scratch every Sunday morning for sixty years" tells us more in twelve words than any date can. The dates still go in — just not as the first thing we read.

2. One specific memory beats three vague adjectives

"She was kind, generous, and loving" says nothing. "She drove three hours in a snowstorm to be at her granddaughter's first recital" says everything. Trade generalities for specifics at every opportunity. The reader who knew your loved one will recognise them immediately. The reader who didn't will wish they had.

3. Avoid hollow filler phrases

Some phrases have been used so often they've lost all meaning. Cut them. Replace each one with something true and specific.

4. Don't start consecutive sentences the same way

"He loved golf. He loved his grandchildren. He loved Sunday dinners." Three sentences, same structure, same word. The repetition deadens the reader. Vary the rhythm — it's one of the simplest ways to make a tribute feel alive rather than mechanical.

5. Match the tone to the person

A formal, restrained obituary for a warm, funny person is a disservice. Choose the tone that reflects how they moved through the world — Brief works for private people, Warm works for those who wore their heart openly. The tone should feel like a natural extension of who they were.

See our four tone options →

6. Get the survivors list right

Convention matters here. List immediate family in order: spouse first, then children (with their spouses), then grandchildren, then siblings. Spouses of children can be listed as "and her husband, Mark" rather than a separate entry, which saves words and reads more naturally. Ask the family to review this section before publishing — errors here hurt.

7. Include service details even if they feel redundant

Readers scan obituaries for service information. Put it near the end, in its own clear paragraph. Include the date, time, location, and whether the service is open to the public. If there's a visitation or wake the night before, list that separately. Don't make people dig for this.

8. Have at least one family member read it before publishing

The person writing the obituary is often doing it alone, under pressure, while grieving. A second set of eyes catches missed facts, unclear phrasing, and anything that might inadvertently hurt someone's feelings. This step takes ten minutes and can prevent a painful mistake.

9. Short is not disrespectful

A tight, 150-word obituary that captures the person completely is better than a 600-word tribute padded with filler. If they were a private person, honour that. If the newspaper has a strict word count, work within it — the constraint forces clarity. The examples below show how much you can say in under 100 words.

See short obituary examples →

10. You don't have to write it alone

If you're finding this hard — if the blank page feels impossible right now — that's completely understandable. Many people find that they have all the right memories but can't find the words to connect them. That's exactly what our tool is for.

See how it works →