Obituary for a Husband
Writing about the person you shared your life with is unlike any other kind of writing. This page is here to help — with an example, gentle guidance, and a tool that does the hard part for you.
You may be reading this days after losing him, trying to find words while everything else feels impossible. There's no right way to do this — but there are things that help. We've written this page to be one of them.
A full example obituary
Sample obituary — Thomas Alan Mercer is a fictional character
Thomas Alan Mercer, 68, of Riverton, passed away on January 28th, 2024, with his wife of forty-one years beside him. He was the sort of man who came into a room quietly and filled it anyway — through the questions he asked, the attention he paid, and the way he remembered things about people that they had forgotten about themselves.
Tom met Susan Aldridge at university in the autumn of 1979, married her at twenty-four, and spent the next four decades proving that "for better or for worse" had been worth every word. He taught high school history at Riverton High for thirty-two years, and in those years he never missed a school play, a Saturday game, or a chance to make a student feel like their question had been the most interesting one he'd heard all week. He retired in 2019. By spring of 2020, his former students had filled his inbox with notes he kept and reread.
Outside the classroom, Tom cooked Saturday breakfasts from a rotation of exactly six recipes that he had perfected over thirty years and saw no reason to expand. He watched old westerns with the volume too high. He hiked the same five trails every season and reported on them as if the path itself had changed. He was patient in a way that was specific and attentive, not passive — he listened because he was genuinely interested, not because he had run out of things to say.
He is survived by his wife, Susan; his daughters, Jennifer (Paul Holloway) and Kate (Marc Delacroix); and four grandchildren who knew him as the grandfather who always had a story and always had time. He was preceded in death by his parents, William and Helen Mercer.
A celebration of life will be held at Riverton High School — the place he loved most outside of home — on Saturday, February 3rd, at 1:00 p.m. The service is open to all who knew him. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the Riverton High School History Department fund.
What to focus on when writing about a spouse
The length and intimacy of the relationship is the story. How you met, how long you were together, what your shared life looked like — this context gives readers a sense of the whole person in a way that a list of achievements never could.
Use "we" memories carefully. The obituary is about him, but your shared life is the frame. A sentence like "in forty-one years, he never once raised his voice" says something about him that also quietly says something about you both.
A specific habit, ritual, or phrase that was uniquely his is worth more than any list of adjectives. The Saturday breakfast rotation, the same five hiking trails, the way he remembered things about people — these are the details that will make someone who knew him say "yes, that's him."
If your children are writing alongside you, include their perspective. What he was to them is part of who he was. A tribute written from more than one angle shows the fullness of a life.
Choosing the right tone
For a spouse's obituary, tone is a deeply personal choice. Here's a guide:
🌻 Warm & Celebratory
Often the most fitting for a spouse — it allows intimacy and personal detail without becoming informal. Works well when the relationship was close and the memories are specific.
✚ Simple & Brief
Right for a private man who would have been modest about himself. A tight, honest tribute can honour that quality better than a long one.
✝️ Faith-Based
If faith was central to his life and your shared life, this tone honours that naturally — without forcing it where it doesn't belong.
Let us help you write it
Answer a few questions about your husband — his name, his life, the things that made him him — and we'll write a tribute that sounds like it came from someone who knew him.
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